#5896759 - 10/31/11 12:06 PM
Do you believe in the sanctity of human life RIP Mom 11/8
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Adam G
Post Master Supreme
Registered: 06/07/00
Posts: 59304
Loc: Arrr-Kansas
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For purposes of this poll, ignore the abortion issue. Arguing about whether an unborn child/fetus is human life is a debate for another thread. Do you believe in the cradle to the grave sanctity of human life?
Definition of sanctity, for reference:
sanc·ti·ty/ˈsaNG(k)titē/ Noun:
The state or quality of being holy, sacred, or saintly. Ultimate importance and inviolability.
Since you shouldnt ever start a poll thread without first sharing yourself, this has been my experience. My mother is 58 years old and has advanced Early Onset Alzheimer's, arguably the worst form of a group of disorders generally referred to as Dementia. In what seems like another life ago she was a clinical psychologist, so very educated and independent. With this particular disease they say that you typically have five years from the point of diagnosis until you're in the ground. If memory serves, my mom was diagnosed in 2005 or 2006.
For the next five years she went steadily downhill until it got to the point that living at the home she has been in for 20 years was too dangerous for her. Among other things, she forgot where the bathroom was, didn't recognize my stepfather and stepbrother who live with her (let alone me), started rolling down the stairs and breaking bones, etc. It was also a tremendously unfair burden on my stepfather and stepbrother to deal with her care alone.
I hired a lawyer and filed a lawsuit to be appointed her guardian (so I could place her in a nursing home) and then to transfer the house to my stepfather before applying for Medicaid. Eventually that all worked out and my mom went into the first nursing home on July 15, 2011. From that point on, the progression of the disease probably increased tenfold. She was eventually booted out of the nursing home twice for behavior issues and did a couple of stints in a psych ward. The doctors tried to get a handle on what was going on but no definitive cause was ever pinpointed outside of normal progression of the dementia.
I eventually found a new nursing home to take her once she was discharged from the psych hospital. This was really difficult; her application was denied by upwards of a dozen other nursing homes based on her troubles at the prior facility. She has been in the new facility for eight weeks or so. It has been an up and down experience. On the up side, she hasn't been booted out yet. On the down side, she hasn't been booted out because of how far her condition has deteriorated. As a result, she's no longer a threat to do anything disruptive or dangerous. Seeing her yesterday (first time in a week or so) was eye opening. She looks skeletal - she's 5'2" and if she even weighed 70 lbs, I would be surprised. Her life consists entirely of laying in this kind of lounge chair where she gazes off into oblivion and twitches involuntarily. She is an enormous ball of anger and frustration due to her lack of ability to communicate. Her body is covered with bruises from where she slams her various limbs around because that's all she can do at this point to express herself. She long ago lost the ability to walk, feed herself, or do any of life's other daily tasks that we take for granted. It is a struggle to get her to drink out of a cup, even if you hold it up to her lips. This, of course, is a prelude to how many people with this disease eventually die - they forget how to swallow and waste away to nothing, literally.
I spoke with my stepfather about her situation last night. We both agree that life is purely torture for her at this point and we both wished there was some process by which we could hasten her suffering. That, of course, is not allowed due to certain politicians and their supporters who insist that each and every human life is sacred.
Anyway, I dont make this post looking for sympathy. I'm just looking for somebody to explain to me how 1) human life, in each and every circumstance, is of the "ultimate importance and inviolability" and 2) how it would not be more merciful and God-like to have some sort of process or procedure by which we can minimize or eliminate suffering in situations such as these. UxiSi, beefy, johnso, or whoever else wants to take a shot, please lay it on me.
*EDIT*
My mom passed at 12:48 AM on 11/7/11. Seems that God or somebody was calling my bluff by making this post. Here's a copy and paste of a play by play I wrote out last night.
I saw my mother a week ago Sunday at the nursing home. She looked pretty awful. She was strapped to a chair because she couldnt walk anymore, weighed about 70 lbs, and was having a lot of trouble drinking even if you held the cup up to her lips. She was one big ball of frustration because she couldnt communicate. As a result she just repeatedly slammed her arms and legs against her chair, leading her to be bruised all over her body. They pumped her full of anti-anxiety drugs, but apparently it wasn't enough.
So I got a call at the office at 4 or so on Friday afternoon from the nursing home saying that my mom had a high fever and they were sending her over to Lutheran General. I didnt really think too much of it, just that I would hop in the car and head out there after work. Five minutes later they called me again and said that they couldnt wait until the hospital got there to pick her up because her oxygen levels were dropping so they were calling 911. A little more ominous.
I got out there at 730 or so. My stepfather was already there and she had a big box over her face which was a breathing machine. Turns out that she has pneumonia, which is what most Alzheimer's patients usually die from. She was transferred from the ER to ICU and Marc and I met with the head resident. We discussed that my mom is in end stage Alzheimer's, meaning that the end is coming soon even if she makes it through this weekend. He said that if the breathing machine doesn't get her oxygenation rate up, then the next steps are more invasive. Particularly, they would have to do a endotracheal tube (tube down her throat) and a arterial line, meaning something put in her jugular vein. We all agreed that we would not go that route, but rather dial it back to simple oxygen in the nose and morphine to keep her comfortable until the end came. I left the ER that night at 930 or so.
Around 1130 Friday night I got a call from the attending physician in the ICU, saying that my mom's heart rate was through the roof. Basically her heart and lungs were working overtime (155bpm) and oxygen wasnt getting through her body. The doctor said that he had already conferred with my stepfather and the head physician at the nursing home and they agreed that they should take off the breathing machine and switch to morphine. I asked how long she would have if they took her off the breathing machine and he estimated a half hour. That's when it became very real to me. If I agreed to it, my mother would be dead in 30 minutes. I thought about it for a minute or two while he was on the phone before agreeing to it, knowing that it was the right thing to do. Still, saying it and actually doing it are two very different things.
I raced over to the hospital, doing 110 on the Edens, running red lights, the whole nine yards. But she didnt pass. She just sat there, her heart racing 155bpm as the hours passed. She still looked awful - eyes open and unblinking, eyes just moving back and forth rythymically (sp?), mouth wide open like she was screaming but wasnt. It was hard to watch, but still she wouldnt let go.
I spent the night that night and the next day lots of people came to say goodbye. I think she knew everybody was there and put on quite a show for them. Her vitals kind of stabilized. We also found out that she had MRSA in addition to the pneumonia, neither of which were being treated. But somehow, she didnt pass.
She eventually passed very early this morning, ten minutes after I left for the night after having been there all day long. Maybe she was waiting for me to just hurry up and GTFO so I wouldnt have to see it. I'm not sure. But at least her suffering is over. This disease really did a number on her and I wouldnt wish it on anybody.
I had a really interesting conversation with one of the nurses who sat with me and just talked for about two hours. She had been an ICU nurse for like 10 years so she is around death on a daily basis. I asked her whether she was spiritual and/or believed in God and she said yes to both. I said ok, give me a story, something that you saw in the ICU that was undeniably the hand of God at work. She said that's easy. She had a patient come in who was dying of Stage 3 brain cancer. They did a brain scan on him and it showed the huge tumor. He spent two days in the hospital basically waiting to die and they did another scan. The second scan showed that the tumor had absolutely disappeared. That patient walked out of the hospital healthy. She gave me a handful of other stories, but that was the shortest and sweetest.
I wasn't praying for any sort of miracle with my mom, knowing that it likely wouldn't come. I just prayed that God was somehow involved in the process and I'm confident that He was. Even if we cant see or understand whatever God's plan is, it's important to remember that it's there somewhere.
Thanks for reading all.
Edited by Adam G (11/08/11 04:40 PM)
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#5896792 - 10/31/11 12:13 PM
Re: Do you believe in the sanctity of human life? v. poll
[Re: Adam G]
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Back 5
Post Master Supreme
Registered: 09/16/03
Posts: 18123
Loc: CA
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I watched my Grandfather go through the same thing. I don't think he was ever diagnosed with Alzheimer's but more dementia and loss of will to live due to his twin brother dying.
At any rate. I don't think we, as people, really have the capacity to administer assisted suicides. I think this will be something that ends up abused.
I have spent some time thinking about what decisions I would make should I ever have kids and prenatal testing reveals downs or another genetic birth defect.
I do not know how to answer your poll.
A 4th option of maybe I would vote for.
_________________________
RIP Morgann 2004-2010. Enjoy Doggie Heaven  If at first you do succeed, try something harder. When you do things right, people won't be sure you've done anything at all.
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#5896800 - 10/31/11 12:15 PM
Re: Do you believe in the sanctity of human life? v. poll
[Re: caspersvapors]
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#lodestar
Post Master Supreme
Registered: 06/05/06
Posts: 42768
Loc: Not in Kansas anymore
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I had to stop reading that part way through and finish after reflecting. I cannot imagine what your family is going through.
_________________________
 I take no joy in owning you people like this anymore. Now I just feel like I'm teaching a retarded class & doing God's work." -Napoleon complex things
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#5896825 - 10/31/11 12:20 PM
Re: Do you believe in the sanctity of human life? v. poll
[Re: Adam G]
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GRN17EXploder
Post Master Supreme
Registered: 05/04/00
Posts: 14437
Loc: Philly Burbs
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I believe in the sanctity of human life, but I also agree that there is a point at which you are torturing a person for no reason other than someone's perception of what is/is not moral. We do the humane thing and put down an animal that has no chance of recovering from an illness or injury, and I think the same should be the case for a human being.
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#5896828 - 10/31/11 12:20 PM
Re: Do you believe in the sanctity of human life? v. poll
[Re: paulsan2112]
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96lapis coupe
Post Master Supreme
Registered: 08/20/01
Posts: 15654
Loc: acquiring satellites.....
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damn, Adam. I hope your Mom finds peace soon.
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#5896832 - 10/31/11 12:21 PM
Re: Do you believe in the sanctity of human life? v. poll
[Re: caspersvapors]
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M
Blames his midnight refrigerator raids on the cat
Post Master Supreme
Registered: 11/28/99
Posts: 43644
Loc: Tampa, Florida
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I've watched thee grandparents between my wife and I waste away and die from dementia. I couldn't fathom seeing my parents or inlaws go through the same.
I believe in the sactity of human life, but there's a gray area in the beginning and end. If I'm in my death bed and want to end my life, I should be able to.
I hope before I succumb to dementia (very likely cause of the family history), I have a spark of awareness and can chose to off myself doing something cool, like blind folded African lion wrestling.
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#5896839 - 10/31/11 12:22 PM
Re: Do you believe in the sanctity of human life? v. poll
[Re: paulsan2112]
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Philabong
Philabong
Unregistered
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Sactity of Life means that life (a live body) must be kept alive at all costs, regardless of the quality of life being led or the wishes of the person whose life it is.
So yeah, I'd say they're mutually exclusive.
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#5896841 - 10/31/11 12:22 PM
Re: Do you believe in the sanctity of human life? v. poll
[Re: M]
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skierd
Post Master Sr
Registered: 08/21/01
Posts: 9104
Loc: Fairbanks, AK
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I believe in the sactity of human life, but there's a gray area in the beginning and end, where I feel a mother and one's self should have control. If mother wants to kill her unborn baby, have at it. If I'm in my death bed and want to end my life, I should be able to. I hope before I succumb to dementia (very likely cause of the family history), I have a spark of awareness and can chose to off myself doing something cool, like blind folded African lion wrestling. 
+1
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Never run out of real estate, traction & ideas at the same time. 2012 Outback - 2008 Yamaha WR250R v2.0
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#5896849 - 10/31/11 12:25 PM
Re: Do you believe in the sanctity of human life? v. poll
[Re: #lodestar]
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UtilityEngineer
Post Master Sr
Registered: 01/14/08
Posts: 4698
Loc: Baltimore
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I feel for your family, my family went through that with my grandfather and it's a terrible thing to experience, though he wasn't any where near as your as your mom.
my answer to the poll is that no, Human life isn't sacred, not in all cases. 200 years ago your mother would have already passed away from other causes, treating her illness only prolongs her suffering and delays the inevitable, and as terrible as it is to think of, all of the pain, suffering, and anguish will only be relieved by her passing. law makers will never sponsor bills to allow families to do the right thing for their loved ones, because (usually) christian churches make lots of noise to the contrary (and spend lots of money).
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#5896854 - 10/31/11 12:27 PM
Re: Do you believe in the sanctity of human life? v. poll
[Re: M]
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scootergeek
Post Master Supreme
Registered: 07/24/00
Posts: 46248
Loc: East of St. Louis
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Sactity of Life means that life (a live body) must be kept alive at all costs, regardless of the quality of life being led or the wishes of the person whose life it is.
So yeah, I'd say they're mutually exclusive. If that's the definition we're working off then I don't believe in the sanctity of life.
Yep. I feel sorry for your mom's situation, Adam.
_________________________
Still pissy after all these years...
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#5896855 - 10/31/11 12:27 PM
Re: Do you believe in the sanctity of human life? v. poll
[Re: 240sx805]
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Cheesegoggles
Post Master Supreme
Registered: 07/10/08
Posts: 19073
Loc: Here
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That sounds awful. I know I'd seen you mention the situation before but did not realize it was this dire. 
Your poll is tough for me to answer. I would generally agree with the second option - that I believe in the sanctity of human life and am not religious. But, IMO, there is more to life (and to human life, in particular) than taking breaths, having a heartbeat, or having detectable electrical activity in the brain. Your mother, as you have described, is not living. All that is really left is a shell.
I don't really know what the answer is, but I would agree that this type of situation would be an appropriate one for finding some other means for ending her suffering.
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#5896873 - 10/31/11 12:31 PM
Re: Do you believe in the sanctity of human life? v. poll
[Re: ]
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#lodestar
Post Master Supreme
Registered: 06/05/06
Posts: 42768
Loc: Not in Kansas anymore
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Sactity of Life means that life (a live body) must be kept alive at all costs, regardless of the quality of life being led or the wishes of the person whose life it is.
So yeah, I'd say they're mutually exclusive. please don't troll here.
I wonder if the member who just had his wife pass from Huntingtons will share his thoughts.
I kinda feel like the soul is something bound to a body. Once that body starts to go the soul can be trapped there. That is why you see so much frustration and sadness when they cannot communicate with their loved ones or when they can't maintain a basic standard of living.
Edited by ednksu (10/31/11 12:38 PM) Edit Reason: correct condition, apologies
_________________________
 I take no joy in owning you people like this anymore. Now I just feel like I'm teaching a retarded class & doing God's work." -Napoleon complex things
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#5896880 - 10/31/11 12:33 PM
Re: Do you believe in the sanctity of human life? v. poll
[Re: #lodestar]
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Adam G
Post Master Supreme
Registered: 06/07/00
Posts: 59304
Loc: Arrr-Kansas
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I wonder if the member who just had his wife pass from Parkinson's will share his thoughts. It was Huntington's Disease. My cousin's husband has that. Symptoms haven't really set in yet, but that's a brutal way to die too.
I kinda feel like the soul is something bound to a body. Once that body starts to go the soul can be trapped there. That is why you see so much frustration and sadness when they cannot communicate with their loved ones or when they can't maintain a basic standard of living. That's basically what's happening.
Thanks for the kind words, all.
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#5897095 - 10/31/11 01:33 PM
Re: Do you believe in the sanctity of human life? v. poll
[Re: JuliesmkVI]
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Back 5
Post Master Supreme
Registered: 09/16/03
Posts: 18123
Loc: CA
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Tuesday With Morrie is a great read, given the subject matter.
I believe in the sanctity of a human life and I would like to allow people every opportunity to survive and live. However, there are breaking points and at that point I feel that people should be allowed to pass with dignity.
Modern medicine can extend life to a point where its no longer in the patients best interest.
One of the worst things watching my Grandfather suffer were the flashes of lucid thought that would pop out of the haze. In one moment we are trying to restrain him from throwing furniture out the window because his bunk is on fire (I think this was a WWII flashback) and in the next instant he is asking me if I think having his old Chevy Celebrity would help me.
How do we know when the end is the end for them?
I really hope your mom finds peace soon Adam
_________________________
RIP Morgann 2004-2010. Enjoy Doggie Heaven  If at first you do succeed, try something harder. When you do things right, people won't be sure you've done anything at all.
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#5897107 - 10/31/11 01:36 PM
Re: Do you believe in the sanctity of human life? v. poll
[Re: #lodestar]
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Philabong
Philabong
Unregistered
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Sactity of Life means that life (a live body) must be kept alive at all costs, regardless of the quality of life being led or the wishes of the person whose life it is.
So yeah, I'd say they're mutually exclusive. please don't troll here. I wonder if the member who just had his wife pass from Huntingtons will share his thoughts. I kinda feel like the soul is something bound to a body. Once that body starts to go the soul can be trapped there. That is why you see so much frustration and sadness when they cannot communicate with their loved ones or when they can't maintain a basic standard of living.
How would you define it?
This is the meaning I've gleaned from any "Sanctity of Life" argument I've ever heard.
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#5897201 - 10/31/11 01:59 PM
Re: Do you believe in the sanctity of human life? v. poll
[Re: Platinum Tex]
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ElectronVTEC2
Post Master Sr
Registered: 07/10/08
Posts: 5915
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Wow, I was just about to make a *very* similar post. My wife's grandmother is in the final stages of lung cancer. She is confined a bed in her living room, with loved ones and Hospice taking care of her. She is by all rights dead to this world, however her and her family have to watch her starve to death in order to escape this cruel punishment. This was a good woman (she did not smoke, for anyone thinking this is somehow self-inflicted) who does not deserve this end. I wish for nothing more than mercy for her and the family, as it is tearing everyone apart right now. Why do we allow people - when no positive outcome is remotely possible - to suffer until the end. She is on high dosages of morphine, but even then you can't tell me she is any form of "happy" or "content" to die this way. It's sickening to me.
For anyone who wants to know what I truly think is the right way, look up "Brompton Cocktail" by Avenged Sevenfold. I believe we as humans have a right to choose our time, that no divine intervention does so for us, and we are allowed to go out on our own terms. Now, I am not advocating suicide by any means, but this (and Jimmy Sullivan of A7X) is far from suicide, or "quitting." It's an escape from a life of pain and suffering.
Todd
_________________________
2011 Edge (Wife's appliance) EVO IX MR, minor mods
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#5897224 - 10/31/11 02:09 PM
Re: Do you believe in the sanctity of human life? v. poll
[Re: Colon_Cleaner]
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Dope!
Major Member
Registered: 01/30/11
Posts: 1346
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No way to have the nursing home give her some morphine for the "pain"?
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#5897225 - 10/31/11 02:10 PM
Re: Do you believe in the sanctity of human life? v. poll
[Re: Platinum Tex]
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NOHC
Post Master Supreme
Registered: 09/18/01
Posts: 39093
Loc: Lebanon, Virginia
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Damn Adam, that's rough...I know, I went through it with my paternal grandmother, there were days when she wouldn't recognize any of us, and those little bits & shards of what she used to be, and what she could remember, just seemed to depress us even more, because they were so few and far between. Maybe it was just me being selfish, wanting grandma back, but at the same time, it literally drove us all just as mad as she had been to see her like that.
That being said...I wouldn't want to live like that...but at the same time, I'm a gigantic wussy, and scared of dying. I guess you could say I believe in the sanctity of my own life...keep me alive at all costs. I'm just not strong enough to make that choice for myself, but for a loved one, maybe I'd leave it up to someone with bigger balls than me, ask for input, advice, whatever...
_________________________
-Mike- ***Ask me about your broken 360/PS3***
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#5897252 - 10/31/11 02:22 PM
Re: Do you believe in the sanctity of human life? v. poll
[Re: Dope!]
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Fastfed
Post Master Supreme
Registered: 12/08/03
Posts: 26879
Loc: Back in Sunny S.FL
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No way to have the nursing home give her some morphine for the "pain"? It's usually not physical pain, so not much can be done..
Alzheimer's disease is probably one of the worst people can get in terms of common diseases.. It's torture to everyone, including the patient..
I don't think we should be able to kill them though..
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Helping me choose the perfect 1911 /Crazed
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#5897440 - 10/31/11 03:33 PM
Re: Do you believe in the sanctity of human life? v. poll
[Re: Adam G]
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dirtyS13drifta
dirtyS13drifta
Unregistered
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Sounds like a familiar situation.
Out of curiosity, does it mean that you CANNOT agree with both merciful euthanasia AND the sanctity of life (in my case it would not be religion-based).
That is to say, are they necessarily mutually exclusive? Good point. I dont know.
Yeah, I would have thought my answer is yes, non-religious. But your post seems to imply you can't suppport euthanasia and the sancity of human life. So I answered no.
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#5897785 - 10/31/11 05:23 PM
Re: Do you believe in the sanctity of human life? v. poll
[Re: Adam G]
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UxiSi
Post Master Supreme
Registered: 02/12/01
Posts: 24484
Loc: Southern California
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Sorry to hear about your situation. I'll make sure to mention your mother in my prayers. My grandfather died of Alzheimer's in a similar situation. In his case and most every anecdote I hear about that the progression really takes off in the nursing homes so more than a little dubious about their ultimate worthiness or not but certainly caring for them becomes more than the untrained and unequipped can deal with. Grandmother is now (about 8 years later) getting to a similar point, so the concerns are all fresh. 58 seems way too young, though. That's horrible.
The worst part about Alzheimer's is the vacant look and lack of recognition, though it's just behind the look where they semi-recognize you but then get frustrated. And yeah, my grandfather's strength was scary crazy. 80 year old man who was seemingly frail but tossing bodies and took 3 burly orderlies to pacify him. While some had concerns about abuse, I didn't really think he was being abused even after seeing the bruises on him after I saw that display. As with many other sensitive issues, independent oversight and transparency are what is required.
Unfortunately, there's no easy answers that don't make one ultimate a heartless bastard to the other side.
I'm just looking for somebody to explain to me how 1) human life, in each and every circumstance, is of the "ultimate importance and inviolability"
I definitely believe in the sanctity of human life, though it's more than just the hearbeat. The problem is precisely similar to the abortion issue. Religious or not, conservative or liberal, most humans generally agree that the murder of other human beings is bad. With abortion the problem is the uncertainty over where exactly it turns from the "ball of cells" into a "human being."
When lucid, I don't dispute your right to take your own life, though many would question your sanity and emotion state if you tried. If one thought clearly and analytically about it, I can think of a few ways one could kill themselves that are relatively painless. Carbon monoxide is the easiest. When not lucid, well we get into a big ball of wax on who gets to decide when others have transitioned from being a human being to a thing, which is the abortion problem in reverse. Do you still classify your mother as a human being?
The trick throughout history has been dehumanizing undesirables so that they're not people and thus killing them isn't bad. Jews, embryos, vegetables, etc. As long it's an "it" instead of a "him" or "her" it's easier to justify doing whatever procedure for research or processing.
In your specific case, clearly your mother needs better palliative care. Frustration is an unfortunate side effect of the condition but a certain amount of pain and frustration are unavoidable, though both can and should be mitigated (and I'd argue can be mitigated more than your description indicates), though possibly at some financial burden to you and the rest of the extended family. I do still think that in principle she has as much a right to live and breathe as you do, though, and am not prepared to concede that decision to you, much less any faceless politician to draw up his liquidation list.
2) how it would not be more merciful and God-like to have some sort of process or procedure by which we can minimize or eliminate suffering in situations such as these.
Sounds like the latter is a completely false premise and pie in the sky to even consider elimination. This isn't fantasy land regardless of it being a laudable goal or not. Mitigation... well there's the rub. Modern society seems replete with those who want to avoid all discomfort and responsibility or better yet give that over to the State, though don't always consider the requisite liberty that goes with it.
What I find most distasteful about the leftist attitude towards euthanasia is the desire to make it so antiseptic and seemingly harmless when it's just not so. If one doesn't have the intestinal fortitude necessary to do it 'manually, ' then yeah, doing it with injection should be a non-starter. If you were stranded alone in the woods and your loved one took a deep belly wound, how many are prepared to put them out of their misery themselves?
Schaivo is a good example. It would have been more humane to shoot her or give her a lethal injection than starve her to death, but I'd argue she didn't need either when her parents were willing to continue to care for her as they wished to do.
At any rate. I don't think we, as people, really have the capacity to administer assisted suicides. I think this will be something that ends up abused. The assisted suicide thing should be a different thread. I ventured a little too far afield with my comments.
That's at the very heart of the issue, though, and 100% germane to the ultimate discussion. If it's ok to do it to your mom or Shaivo, why not those with Down Syndrome and genetic defects? Why let them even marry and breed?
_________________________
------------------------------ UxiSi 2000 EBP Civic Si
"Democracies have ever been spectacles of turbulence and contention; have ever been found incompatible with personal security or the rights of property; and have in general been as short in their lives as they have been violent in their death." -- James Madison
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#5897861 - 10/31/11 05:58 PM
Re: Do you believe in the sanctity of human life? v. poll
[Re: ]
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Ares
Post Master Supreme
Registered: 04/01/02
Posts: 94761
Loc: Atlanta Ga
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I guess I dont. I do... but not where it conflicts with personal free will. If a person wants to die, they should be allowed to.
Easy words on a forum, in reality, I dont want to see every person with a case of depression lining up at the local slaughter house. I would want some sort of medical approval, which introduces 3rd party bias and is all but impossible to get right. Then there is the issue of brain function loss, can you pre-elect to commit suicide in certain events? Given how rapidly our state of conciousness changes, can "I" make a decision for the "future me"? I might say not. and then once the illness has progressed, can I ever be cleared by any reasonable medical standard to make that decision?
abortion fucks the whole thing up as well, since even though I consider a fetus life, I play the trump card of a womans right to control her body, the fetus's failure to support itself without her assistance is its own problem.
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Ignore list: bigal, DM, FortCollins, cheesegoggles. Don't bother talking to me, I wont see it.
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#5898155 - 10/31/11 07:55 PM
Re: Do you believe in the sanctity of human life? v. poll
[Re: Ares]
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ElectronVTEC2
Post Master Sr
Registered: 07/10/08
Posts: 5915
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I don't understand why it's so complicated. It's my body, it's my right to choose how and when I will die if I see fit. All this "blurry line" crap is overstating the obvious to me. I don't want to suffer, and I certainly don't want my family standing at my side watching me suffer - how does that help anyone, or improve either of the parties' quality of life? The big issue is that people can make up hundreds of scenarios where this doesn't fit, but I'm not interested in those. If I have terminal cancer and my chance of survival is nil, or if my brain is too fargone with dementia to ever recover any semblance of normalcy, put me to sleep or put a bullet in my head IF I ASK FOR IT. If I'm lucid, give me my choice. If I'm not and never will be again, let me sign up now to do as I ask if that time ever comes (and given the rate of alzheimers on my father's side, it will). I'm not talking about early-onset, or sundowners or anything. If I'm full-on batshit, off-the-reservation talking to dead people and thinking the couch is trying to kill me, please just get it over with as I will never be a contributing member of society again, I'll just leach off the system until such time as I pass naturally.
Todd
Edited by ElectronVTEC2 (10/31/11 07:56 PM)
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2011 Edge (Wife's appliance) EVO IX MR, minor mods
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#5898204 - 10/31/11 08:10 PM
Re: Do you believe in the sanctity of human life? v. poll
[Re: Ares]
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dirtyS13drifta
dirtyS13drifta
Unregistered
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I guess I dont. I do... but not where it conflicts with personal free will. If a person wants to die, they should be allowed to.
Easy words on a forum, in reality, I dont want to see every person with a case of depression lining up at the local slaughter house. I would want some sort of medical approval, which introduces 3rd party bias and is all but impossible to get right. Then there is the issue of brain function loss, can you pre-elect to commit suicide in certain events? Given how rapidly our state of conciousness changes, can "I" make a decision for the "future me"? I might say not. and then once the illness has progressed, can I ever be cleared by any reasonable medical standard to make that decision?
abortion fucks the whole thing up as well, since even though I consider a fetus life, I play the trump card of a womans right to control her body, the fetus's failure to support itself without her assistance is its own problem.
Oregon now has a law that fits in with your ideal, and I believe Washington might have passed one as well. Psych evals, diagnosed fatal disease, etc.
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#5898316 - 10/31/11 08:54 PM
Re: Do you believe in the sanctity of human life? v. poll
[Re: ElectronVTEC2]
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Ares
Post Master Supreme
Registered: 04/01/02
Posts: 94761
Loc: Atlanta Ga
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I don't understand why it's so complicated. It's my body, it's my right to choose how and when I will die if I see fit. All this "blurry line" crap is overstating the obvious to me. I don't want to suffer, and I certainly don't want my family standing at my side watching me suffer - how does that help anyone, or improve either of the parties' quality of life? The big issue is that people can make up hundreds of scenarios where this doesn't fit, but I'm not interested in those. If I have terminal cancer and my chance of survival is nil, or if my brain is too fargone with dementia to ever recover any semblance of normalcy, put me to sleep or put a bullet in my head IF I ASK FOR IT. If I'm lucid, give me my choice. If I'm not and never will be again, let me sign up now to do as I ask if that time ever comes (and given the rate of alzheimers on my father's side, it will). I'm not talking about early-onset, or sundowners or anything. If I'm full-on batshit, off-the-reservation talking to dead people and thinking the couch is trying to kill me, please just get it over with as I will never be a contributing member of society again, I'll just leach off the system until such time as I pass naturally.
Todd
the concept affects other things, like death penalty. which I disagree with.
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Ignore list: bigal, DM, FortCollins, cheesegoggles. Don't bother talking to me, I wont see it.
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#5898350 - 10/31/11 09:09 PM
Re: Do you believe in the sanctity of human life? v. poll
[Re: Ares]
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oldtimer
Leaning Tower of Penis
Post Master Supreme
Registered: 11/02/09
Posts: 17807
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I voted yes, but that doesn't mean you can't pull the plug, etc. I would extend my views to all living creatures and not just humans. That doesn't mean you can't eat meat.
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#5898483 - 10/31/11 09:48 PM
Re: Do you believe in the sanctity of human life? v. poll
[Re: oldtimer]
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enicideme
Post Master
Registered: 10/24/03
Posts: 2358
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Edit. PM
Edited by enicideme (10/31/11 09:49 PM) Edit Reason: PM for obvious reasons
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3.9, 12.4
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#5898488 - 10/31/11 09:50 PM
Re: Do you believe in the sanctity of human life? v. poll
[Re: oldtimer]
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Ares
Post Master Supreme
Registered: 04/01/02
Posts: 94761
Loc: Atlanta Ga
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I voted yes, but that doesn't mean you can't pull the plug, etc. I would extend my views to all living creatures and not just humans. That doesn't mean you can't eat meat.
this doesnt make any sense...
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Ignore list: bigal, DM, FortCollins, cheesegoggles. Don't bother talking to me, I wont see it.
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#5898493 - 10/31/11 09:51 PM
Re: Do you believe in the sanctity of human life? v. poll
[Re: Ares]
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#lodestar
Post Master Supreme
Registered: 06/05/06
Posts: 42768
Loc: Not in Kansas anymore
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I voted yes, but that doesn't mean you can't pull the plug, etc. I would extend my views to all living creatures and not just humans. That doesn't mean you can't eat meat. this doesnt make any sense... maybe he only eats wounded roadkill
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 I take no joy in owning you people like this anymore. Now I just feel like I'm teaching a retarded class & doing God's work." -Napoleon complex things
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#5898501 - 10/31/11 09:55 PM
Re: Do you believe in the sanctity of human life? v. poll
[Re: #lodestar]
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Ares
Post Master Supreme
Registered: 04/01/02
Posts: 94761
Loc: Atlanta Ga
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I voted yes, but that doesn't mean you can't pull the plug, etc. I would extend my views to all living creatures and not just humans. That doesn't mean you can't eat meat. this doesnt make any sense... maybe he only eats wounded roadkill
I seen that on the penn and teller discovery show
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Ignore list: bigal, DM, FortCollins, cheesegoggles. Don't bother talking to me, I wont see it.
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#5899704 - 11/01/11 10:11 AM
Re: Do you believe in the sanctity of human life? v. poll
[Re: UxiSi]
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Adam G
Post Master Supreme
Registered: 06/07/00
Posts: 59304
Loc: Arrr-Kansas
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Sorry to hear about your situation. I'll make sure to mention your mother in my prayers. My grandfather died of Alzheimer's in a similar situation. In his case and most every anecdote I hear about that the progression really takes off in the nursing homes so more than a little dubious about their ultimate worthiness or not but certainly caring for them becomes more than the untrained and unequipped can deal with. Grandmother is now (about 8 years later) getting to a similar point, so the concerns are all fresh. 58 seems way too young, though. That's horrible. Thanks for the long post.
It is remarkable how it takes off once the patient moves into the nursing home. For my mom, I think it has to do with being away from home against her will. It's killing it and we all know it, but going home just isnt an option.
The worst part about Alzheimer's is the vacant look and lack of recognition, though it's just behind the look where they semi-recognize you but then get frustrated. And yeah, my grandfather's strength was scary crazy. 80 year old man who was seemingly frail but tossing bodies and took 3 burly orderlies to pacify him. While some had concerns about abuse, I didn't really think he was being abused even after seeing the bruises on him after I saw that display. As with many other sensitive issues, independent oversight and transparency are what is required. We thought her bruises and black eye were abuse related too. As time went on, we realized they were self inflicted.
Unfortunately, there's no easy answers that don't make one ultimate a heartless bastard to the other side.
I definitely believe in the sanctity of human life, though it's more than just the hearbeat. The problem is precisely similar to the abortion issue. Religious or not, conservative or liberal, most humans generally agree that the murder of other human beings is bad. With abortion the problem is the uncertainty over where exactly it turns from the "ball of cells" into a "human being."
When lucid, I don't dispute your right to take your own life, though many would question your sanity and emotion state if you tried. If one thought clearly and analytically about it, I can think of a few ways one could kill themselves that are relatively painless. Carbon monoxide is the easiest. When not lucid, well we get into a big ball of wax on who gets to decide when others have transitioned from being a human being to a thing, which is the abortion problem in reverse. Do you still classify your mother as a human being? Yeah I do. I dont think you necessarily have to dehumanize somebody to determine that it is in their best interest to no longer suffer. It's pretty similar, in effect and in my mind, to pulling the plug and eliminating life sustaining treatment.
The trick throughout history has been dehumanizing undesirables so that they're not people and thus killing them isn't bad. Jews, embryos, vegetables, etc. As long it's an "it" instead of a "him" or "her" it's easier to justify doing whatever procedure for research or processing. I understand the slippery slope argument and I can appreciate the apprehension towards the possibility of abuse. But just about anything turns bad if you abuse it, whether that's gun rights, the death penalty, or any other political/social/rights issue you can think of.
In your specific case, clearly your mother needs better palliative care. Frustration is an unfortunate side effect of the condition but a certain amount of pain and frustration are unavoidable, though both can and should be mitigated (and I'd argue can be mitigated more than your description indicates), though possibly at some financial burden to you and the rest of the extended family. Dont remember if I put this in the original post, but they can calm her down temporarily by pumping her full of a drug called Ativan (sp?). It's an anti-anxiety drug that effectively turns her into a zombie.
As for hospice, that's covered by Medicaid. I'm not sure when the doctors will want to pull the trigger and go that route, but I can't imagine that it's far off into the distance.
I do still think that in principle she has as much a right to live and breathe as you do, though, and am not prepared to concede that decision to you, much less any faceless politician to draw up his liquidation list. Right, death panels.
Like I said, I understand all that. I'm just opining to anybody that will listen that there has to, or at least should be, a better way. I'm not sure what sort of legal/regulatory safeguards there would have to be to have a system like that.
Sounds like the latter is a completely false premise and pie in the sky to even consider elimination. This isn't fantasy land regardless of it being a laudable goal or not. Mitigation... well there's the rub. Modern society seems replete with those who want to avoid all discomfort and responsibility or better yet give that over to the State, though don't always consider the requisite liberty that goes with it.
What I find most distasteful about the leftist attitude towards euthanasia is the desire to make it so antiseptic and seemingly harmless when it's just not so. If one doesn't have the intestinal fortitude necessary to do it 'manually, ' then yeah, doing it with injection should be a non-starter. If you were stranded alone in the woods and your loved one took a deep belly wound, how many are prepared to put them out of their misery themselves?
Schaivo is a good example. It would have been more humane to shoot her or give her a lethal injection than starve her to death, but I'd argue she didn't need either when her parents were willing to continue to care for her as they wished to do. It was an enormous travesty that her condition turned into a national political issue. Bill Frist getting in front of the camera and saying that a woman he had never examined was not in a permanent vegetative state based on his view of some tape was nauseating.
That's at the very heart of the issue, though, and 100% germane to the ultimate discussion. If it's ok to do it to your mom or Shaivo, why not those with Down Syndrome and genetic defects? Why let them even marry and breed? Right, where do you draw the line.
With Down it's possible to live a successful life. A guy on my aunt by marriage's side of the family had Down and was the first one to ever graduate college. There's a building at one of the SUNYs named in his honor.
I mentioned my cousin's husband with Huntington's Disease earlier in the thread. That's a genetic disease that is passed down 50% of the time. They're having kids. Live and let live.
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#5899722 - 11/01/11 10:21 AM
Re: Do you believe in the sanctity of human life? v. poll
[Re: Adam G]
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Huggy
Post Master Supreme
Registered: 11/01/99
Posts: 43264
Loc: Cincinnati, OH
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I'm a god. Not the god, just a god. Deal with it.
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Kevin - Owner and Driver of Cars -
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#5916725 - 11/08/11 04:47 PM
Re: Do you believe in the sanctity of human life? v. poll
[Re: Adam G]
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wolfsburg2
Post Master Supreme
Registered: 10/14/01
Posts: 61146
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Rip
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Bonus Points - Person Woman Man Camera TV
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#5916726 - 11/08/11 04:48 PM
Re: Do you believe in the sanctity of human life? v. poll
[Re: Adam G]
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psi mr2
Post Master Supreme
Registered: 10/18/01
Posts: 16395
Loc: Texas
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So sorry Adam. *big hug*
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#5916732 - 11/08/11 04:50 PM
Re: Do you believe in the sanctity of human life? v. poll
[Re: Adam G]
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Philabong
Philabong
Unregistered
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Adam. I am so sorry for your loss.
If there is such a thing as a better place, I hope all the awesome Moms and Grandmas are there makin' some kick ass soup, waiting for us to come home like they always had.
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#5916733 - 11/08/11 04:50 PM
Re: Do you believe in the sanctity of human life? v. poll
[Re: ]
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Silock
Post Master Supreme
Registered: 01/23/00
Posts: 60326
Loc: Jayhawk Country
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That sounds absolutely awful. Glad her suffering is over now. RIP.
Sorry for your loss, man
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#5916742 - 11/08/11 04:54 PM
Re: Do you believe in the sanctity of human life? v. poll
[Re: psi mr2]
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#lodestar
Post Master Supreme
Registered: 06/05/06
Posts: 42768
Loc: Not in Kansas anymore
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I'm sorry for your loss. You shared a lot here and it made an impact on me and I think a lot of us. I know your family had a bit of time to prepare for this, but I can't imagine the decisions you have made recently.
Thoughts and prayers for your family.
_________________________
 I take no joy in owning you people like this anymore. Now I just feel like I'm teaching a retarded class & doing God's work." -Napoleon complex things
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#5916746 - 11/08/11 04:54 PM
Re: Do you believe in the sanctity of human life? v. poll
[Re: Silock]
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96lapis coupe
Post Master Supreme
Registered: 08/20/01
Posts: 15654
Loc: acquiring satellites.....
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Sorry man. RIP
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#5916752 - 11/08/11 04:57 PM
Re: Do you believe in the sanctity of human life? v. poll
[Re: Adam G]
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Nealoc187
<3
Post Master Supreme
Registered: 05/07/01
Posts: 32535
Loc: Lisle, IL formerly Kalamazoo, ...
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sorry to hear this man.
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95 maxima 11.7 @ 123mph - stock 3.0L tuned by me on 93octane 12.9 @ 104mph - stock 3.5L w/ bolt ons
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#5916773 - 11/08/11 05:18 PM
Re: Do you believe in the sanctity of human life? v. poll
[Re: Nealoc187]
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Mr Scandal
Post Master Supreme
Registered: 03/20/04
Posts: 30357
Loc: SATX
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shit man.. sorry
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#5916776 - 11/08/11 05:19 PM
Re: Do you believe in the sanctity of human life? v. poll
[Re: Nealoc187]
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ElectronVTEC2
Post Master Sr
Registered: 07/10/08
Posts: 5915
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Adam, my wife lost her grandmother on Sunday. I am terribly sorry for your loss, but I hope there is some solace that she is now at peace and no longer suffering. She is with you always.
Todd
_________________________
2011 Edge (Wife's appliance) EVO IX MR, minor mods
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#5916819 - 11/08/11 05:39 PM
Re: Do you believe in the sanctity of human life? v. poll
[Re: MetalheaD]
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ElectronVTEC2
Post Master Sr
Registered: 07/10/08
Posts: 5915
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Adam, that tidbit about her being moved is hard to read. We all think we know what it's like to be there, but we really don't. I am not a person of faith, but I do hope that the life after this is more kind than this one can be. Like others have said, I appreciate how much you've shared with this community.
Todd
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2011 Edge (Wife's appliance) EVO IX MR, minor mods
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#5916838 - 11/08/11 05:48 PM
Re: Do you believe in the sanctity of human life? v. poll
[Re: TheKing*]
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turbo_guy
Post Master Sr
Registered: 06/09/03
Posts: 4434
Loc: canton, oh
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rip
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#5917081 - 11/08/11 07:26 PM
Re: Do you believe in the sanctity of human life? v. poll
[Re: Ellessar]
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YeSiR
YeSiR
Unregistered
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Very sorry to hear of your loss. I really fucking hate the way Alzheimers doesn't just kill people, but it totally ruins their quality of life near the end.
I wish we all could live relatively healthy though limited physically until just dying in our sleep of old age alone with no complications.
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#5917239 - 11/08/11 08:23 PM
Re: Do you believe in the sanctity of human life? v. poll
[Re: MetalheaD]
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UxiSi
Post Master Supreme
Registered: 02/12/01
Posts: 24484
Loc: Southern California
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RIP Adam. I'll say another prayer for her and you.
There is no God. If there is, he's not the Santa Claus every one thinks he is. He gives not a fuck about our suffering.
Nice hedging of your bets. :p I obviously disagree 100% , but rather than engage in a probably futile religious debate, I'll sum up my contrary view in two words of which paragraphs, books, and even libraries are enough for either, much less both together: Incarnation and Crucifixion.
Colloquially, in the words of Jules I'd say, "That shit don't matter. You're judging this shit the wrong way. I mean, it could be that God stopped the bullets, or He changed Coke to Pepsi, He found my fucking car keys. " You place too much concern on our suffering and too much emphasis on this life. Your self-centered perspective is understandable, particularly if you believe this is it and there's nothing before or nothing after, but to me it appears no more sophisticated than a toddler's tantrum.
Note that I'm not saying to take it too far the other way and embrace nihilism, either. That would be just as wrong in the other direction.
_________________________
------------------------------ UxiSi 2000 EBP Civic Si
"Democracies have ever been spectacles of turbulence and contention; have ever been found incompatible with personal security or the rights of property; and have in general been as short in their lives as they have been violent in their death." -- James Madison
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#5917256 - 11/08/11 08:30 PM
Re: Do you believe in the sanctity of human life? v. poll
[Re: UxiSi]
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Back 5
Post Master Supreme
Registered: 09/16/03
Posts: 18123
Loc: CA
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Fantastic post Adam_G. Sorry for your loss, sir.
_________________________
RIP Morgann 2004-2010. Enjoy Doggie Heaven  If at first you do succeed, try something harder. When you do things right, people won't be sure you've done anything at all.
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#5917257 - 11/08/11 08:31 PM
Re: Do you believe in the sanctity of human life? v. poll
[Re: Back 5]
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urapnis
Post Master Sr
Registered: 01/25/02
Posts: 6565
Loc: Seoul, South Korea
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sorry for your loss. and thanks for sharing your experience.
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#5917382 - 11/08/11 09:17 PM
Re: Do you believe in the sanctity of human life? v. poll
[Re: MetalheaD]
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YeSiR
YeSiR
Unregistered
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I watched both of my grandmothers die in hospitals. One of them I was unlucky enough to be the last one she spoke to. Her last words? "I'm scared". I watched the other one scream for her father who had been dead before I was born. She sounded like a little girl.
There is no God. If there is, he's not the Santa Claus every one thinks he is. He gives not a fuck about our suffering.
That's the last thing one of my grandmothers said to me before dying, "I'm scared" hmmmmm
i don't like where this is going...
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#5917462 - 11/08/11 09:59 PM
Re: Do you believe in the sanctity of human life? v. poll
[Re: Adam G]
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EmptyWallet
Post Master Supreme
Registered: 08/11/00
Posts: 17010
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I asked how long she would have if they took her off the breathing machine and he estimated a half hour. That's when it became very real to me. If I agreed to it, my mother would be dead in 30 minutes. I thought about it for a minute or two while he was on the phone before agreeing to it, knowing that it was the right thing to do. Still, saying it and actually doing it are two very different things.
Man oh man...that made me get misty-eyed thinking about when that day might come with my parents.
I sit here....not really sure what to type. There's a ton of thoughts flying through my head, and I've had a lot of thoughts recently about how I might feel and act when my parents start to go down hill.
I remember before my grandfather passed, he started getting dementia and would call my father (his son), my cousins name. Sometimes he didn't even recognize his own son. I didn't really pay much attention to it, until it hit me in the stomach one day....that's going to be me.
I felt like I needed to sit down. It's hard for me to deal with that.
Honestly, I still cling to the fantasy. I don't care how immature it sounds...my parents are both still superheroes in my eyes.
I think when we grow up, Mom & Dad are untouchable (at least in my experience) in our eyes. They make all the right decisions, they create a feeling of comfort, of SAFETY. It shook my reality a little bit when I realized that they are indeed not perfect, that they make mistakes, and don't have all the answers.
A lot of that is related to my childhood, which was awesome....so my perception is going to be biased, but I think everyone at a young age, regards their parents as superheroes.
I just choose to cling to that fantasy now. I know in my heart it's probably not completely right, but it makes me feel better to believe it.
I remember asking my father one time how in the world he could deal with his father starting to slide...."You just do." is what he told me.
I know I'm going to absolutely go off the deep end when my mother is gone. So I guess what I'm trying to say is MAN, I'm really sorry you're going through this, and I'll keep everyone involved in my thoughts and prayers.
I know the above is all jumbled up, and doesn't make any sense...but I thought it might help.
_________________________
"I don't think I've ever seen you get angry?" [laughs] "Oh, I used to get angry. All the time. Frustrated too." "You don't get...frustrated anymore?' [smiles]"...I'm not lost anymore.." "How..how did you do that?" "Same way that anything lost,...gets found.....I stopped looking."
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#5917467 - 11/08/11 10:02 PM
Re: Do you believe in the sanctity of human life? v. poll
[Re: Adam G]
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Nathan
Not the Most Intelligent Active Poster
Post Master Supreme
Registered: 11/02/00
Posts: 21974
Loc: Roedyelin
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My condolences.
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#5917505 - 11/08/11 10:21 PM
Re: Do you believe in the sanctity of human life? v. poll
[Re: EmptyWallet]
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Spooky7715
Post Master Supreme
Registered: 12/17/01
Posts: 19722
Loc: FL
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I asked how long she would have if they took her off the breathing machine and he estimated a half hour. That's when it became very real to me. If I agreed to it, my mother would be dead in 30 minutes. I thought about it for a minute or two while he was on the phone before agreeing to it, knowing that it was the right thing to do. Still, saying it and actually doing it are two very different things.
Man oh man...that made me get misty-eyed thinking about when that day might come with my parents. I sit here....not really sure what to type. There's a ton of thoughts flying through my head, and I've had a lot of thoughts recently about how I might feel and act when my parents start to go down hill. I remember before my grandfather passed, he started getting dementia and would call my father (his son), my cousins name. Sometimes he didn't even recognize his own son. I didn't really pay much attention to it, until it hit me in the stomach one day....that's going to be me. I felt like I needed to sit down. It's hard for me to deal with that. Honestly, I still cling to the fantasy. I don't care how immature it sounds...my parents are both still superheroes in my eyes. I think when we grow up, Mom & Dad are untouchable (at least in my experience) in our eyes. They make all the right decisions, they create a feeling of comfort, of SAFETY. It shook my reality a little bit when I realized that they are indeed not perfect, that they make mistakes, and don't have all the answers. A lot of that is related to my childhood, which was awesome....so my perception is going to be biased, but I think everyone at a young age, regards their parents as superheroes. I just choose to cling to that fantasy now. I know in my heart it's probably not completely right, but it makes me feel better to believe it. I remember asking my father one time how in the world he could deal with his father starting to slide...."You just do." is what he told me. I know I'm going to absolutely go off the deep end when my mother is gone. So I guess what I'm trying to say is MAN, I'm really sorry you're going through this, and I'll keep everyone involved in my thoughts and prayers. I know the above is all jumbled up, and doesn't make any sense...but I thought it might help. You try to prepare yourself as much as you can, but nothing can really prepare you. We had to make the decision for my mother to stop the machines. They told us it could be minutes. It was 5 days. I think I took comfort in her being so out of it before whe was put on the vent so I felt as though she did not know what was going on. I hoped. We had to make the decision for my sister. When they took her off the vent it was like she wasn't even sick, but we knew her lungs were going to fill back up with fluid and we would lose her. It was less than 24 hours. She was awake, coherent and trying to comfort us for much of it until she fell asleep for the last time. It still haunts me. Especially because she didnt want to die on my birthday, but she did. She was my best friend. My everything. My father died tragically in a fire. It took a while to process that one. Nothing can prepare you for the death of a loved one, but knowing they are not suffering any longer helps you deal with it after it happens. I hurt so much for Adam. I consider him a dear friend and he was there for me when I lost my loved ones. I wish there was something I could do.... but I know I can't.
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#5917506 - 11/08/11 10:21 PM
Re: Do you believe in the sanctity of human life? v. poll
[Re: Nathan]
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MugenNeuspeed
Post Master Sr
Registered: 07/13/01
Posts: 4182
Loc: Whereever whenever
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My condolences, my grandma passed away on my birthday this year. I sat by her side for 2 days while she was breathing heavily on the morphone drip, it was disheartening to say the very least.
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#5917535 - 11/08/11 10:34 PM
Re: Do you believe in the sanctity of human life? v. poll
[Re: Spooky7715]
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EmptyWallet
Post Master Supreme
Registered: 08/11/00
Posts: 17010
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I asked how long she would have if they took her off the breathing machine and he estimated a half hour. That's when it became very real to me. If I agreed to it, my mother would be dead in 30 minutes. I thought about it for a minute or two while he was on the phone before agreeing to it, knowing that it was the right thing to do. Still, saying it and actually doing it are two very different things.
Man oh man...that made me get misty-eyed thinking about when that day might come with my parents. I sit here....not really sure what to type. There's a ton of thoughts flying through my head, and I've had a lot of thoughts recently about how I might feel and act when my parents start to go down hill. I remember before my grandfather passed, he started getting dementia and would call my father (his son), my cousins name. Sometimes he didn't even recognize his own son. I didn't really pay much attention to it, until it hit me in the stomach one day....that's going to be me. I felt like I needed to sit down. It's hard for me to deal with that. Honestly, I still cling to the fantasy. I don't care how immature it sounds...my parents are both still superheroes in my eyes. I think when we grow up, Mom & Dad are untouchable (at least in my experience) in our eyes. They make all the right decisions, they create a feeling of comfort, of SAFETY. It shook my reality a little bit when I realized that they are indeed not perfect, that they make mistakes, and don't have all the answers. A lot of that is related to my childhood, which was awesome....so my perception is going to be biased, but I think everyone at a young age, regards their parents as superheroes. I just choose to cling to that fantasy now. I know in my heart it's probably not completely right, but it makes me feel better to believe it. I remember asking my father one time how in the world he could deal with his father starting to slide...."You just do." is what he told me. I know I'm going to absolutely go off the deep end when my mother is gone. So I guess what I'm trying to say is MAN, I'm really sorry you're going through this, and I'll keep everyone involved in my thoughts and prayers. I know the above is all jumbled up, and doesn't make any sense...but I thought it might help. You try to prepare yourself as much as you can, but nothing can really prepare you. We had to make the decision for my mother to stop the machines. They told us it could be minutes. It was 5 days. I think I took comfort in her being so out of it before whe was put on the vent so I felt as though she did not know what was going on. I hoped. We had to make the decision for my sister. When they took her off the vent it was like she wasn't even sick, but we knew her lungs were going to fill back up with fluid and we would lose her. It was less than 24 hours. She was awake, coherent and trying to comfort us for much of it until she fell asleep for the last time. It still haunts me. Especially because she didnt want to die on my birthday, but she did. She was my best friend. My everything. My father died tragically in a fire. It took a while to process that one. Nothing can prepare you for the death of a loved one, but knowing they are not suffering any longer helps you deal with it after it happens. I hurt so much for Adam. I consider him a dear friend and he was there for me when I lost my loved ones. I wish there was something I could do.... but I know I can't.
I'm so sorry for you and Adam both, and wish you both well in finding joy again in the future.
I wish there was something I could do for both of you.
_________________________
"I don't think I've ever seen you get angry?" [laughs] "Oh, I used to get angry. All the time. Frustrated too." "You don't get...frustrated anymore?' [smiles]"...I'm not lost anymore.." "How..how did you do that?" "Same way that anything lost,...gets found.....I stopped looking."
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#5917548 - 11/08/11 10:42 PM
Re: Do you believe in the sanctity of human life? v. poll
[Re: EmptyWallet]
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M3Pilot or M3Driver
Post Master Sr
Registered: 10/09/03
Posts: 7159
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Im so sorry for your loss. What an awful thing to have witnessed.
_________________________
oh hell no. i tried finding a hot deaf chick for 10+ years. closest i got was a half blind cheerleader. - Beefy
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#5917550 - 11/08/11 10:42 PM
Re: Do you believe in the sanctity of human life? v. poll
[Re: Adam G]
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daisy
Post Master Supreme
Registered: 05/18/00
Posts: 44903
Loc: Tacoma, WA
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Ahh bebe, you're killing me over here. I am so sorry for your loss, yet happy your Mom is no longer suffering (and yes, IMO that's suffering and not a way to live). You know I'm around if you need someone to talk to.
_________________________
2017 Volkswagen Alltrack 2007 Volvo XC70 Overland
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#5917569 - 11/08/11 10:58 PM
Re: Do you believe in the sanctity of human life? v. poll
[Re: Voltron]
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jdimstr
Post Master Supreme
Registered: 12/21/99
Posts: 10654
Loc: Melbourne, Australia
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Sorry for your loss, and best wishes to you and your family right now.
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#5917572 - 11/08/11 10:58 PM
Re: Do you believe in the sanctity of human life? v. poll
[Re: Voltron]
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tcr04
Post Master Supreme
Registered: 10/23/02
Posts: 50804
Loc: Gilbert, AZ
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